nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
