I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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