Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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