I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
