So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
