it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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