My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize