I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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