Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
