Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
