i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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