I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
