Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
