SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize