the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
