I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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