So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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