My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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