got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
