if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
