I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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