i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Gay?
German.
Pity.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
