so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
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You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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