i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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