just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
