it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
