is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
