They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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