your thong is hanging out like whoa
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
