Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
