That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
