google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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