did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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