This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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