I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
