did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
