I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
