So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize