he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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