I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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