i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
