i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Randomize
