I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
