yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
