he told me I talked like a deaf person
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
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