I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
