You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
