He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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