I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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