Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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