it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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