We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
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Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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