it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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