that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
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I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
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I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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