ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize