i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
A+ Viking dick
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
