i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
