Barsexuality is the new black.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
