Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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