would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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