yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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