Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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